The grave at the churchyard

The church at Saarijärvi, Finland. I said always earlier when I visited the different churches, that I am feeling to be near our Lord in the church and that is why I visited the different churches in Finland and the other countries! Today it happened something in the life, it was a miracle, I got my last place, and it will be my grave, in the place of the first church at Saarijärvi!

 The lonely grave, from which I found a lot of more data today!

The farmer Herman Korkealehto (earlier Ramsi) 1874 - 1920 and his wife Hilma Korkealehto 1877 - 1921. Not many of my relatives didn't know of this grave. I was wondering why it was alone there, and there were not any graves beside the stone.

Then I went today to ask in the office, why it is alone, and is it possible to use that grave? They said to me it is the family grave, but it has not used almost for a hundred year! But it belongs to the family still and then I gave my name, that this place will be my grave. So I reserve the old place to our family and the eight member of the family can use it later with the casket, so my ash will be there someday in that grave.

But that empty place beside the grave, it was the place of the first church, 1628, and the second church, 1694, at Saarijärvi. So the grave place will be just there, the memorial place, the place of the earlier churches, it was a miracle. It was a miracle, because I said always, that I felt to be near our Lord in the church, and that's why I visited them often! My last place will be inside the earlier churches. I felt myself one blessed person today, the place has more the meanings in the life too!

The sleep disorders with ADHD!

Happy Winter Days! The sleep disorders!

I am feeling now okay with my health. My heart is working perfectly after the last winter, when it was repaired by the angioplasty. I could walk outside three kilometres in the cold weather, it was minus 22 Celsius and I had no problems with my heart or breathing now. My blood pressure is lower 125/75 and my pulse is about 50 now, so I am feeling well and can walk outside and do all kind of the things, only the professional sport is denied.

I was thinking my mental health too, and I am doing well now. It is because of the wrong medicines I used many years which I am not using any more. They made the hallucinations, like some sleeping medicines, like Stilnoct, all the furniture was alive in the house, and I saw some strange dark aliens in the house, and the strong stimulants, Concerta and Provigil, which kept me awake, they made the anxiety disorder, the delusional disorder and the symphtoms of the psychosis. Then they started the medicines of the psychosis, Risperdal Consta, and finally I lost all my real feelings, my real sexual feelings, got the symptoms of the Parkinson's disease, I lost my control of my urination, and finally I didn't have any feelings with my family and I took the divorce! That is what happened with all the wrong medicines in my life.

Now I understand, that I have had the problems with my sleeping a long time, since I have been a child. I have had the sleep disorders. I can sleep even I looked like I should be awake. Then I can see the dreams and I can talk of the things, which I can see in my dreams. I understood that I have some like the abnormal reactions, which made me to sound a grazy woman or the people didn't know what was going on with me. They thought, that I was the drunk one, or I was a mad woman.

Now I realized that sometimes I am very tired and I am sleeping and my eyes are open, and I can then talk whatever, I do that same in the evenings and in the mornings, I can talk the things of my dreams, so nobody will know, if I am really awake and talking or not. My brother is shouting and talking a lot, when he is sleeping! I think, it is normal, but the people don't know that somebody can do that same, even it looks that he or she is like awake!

My husband sent me to the mental hospital the last winter. I didn't know how all was working there, and I was talking whatever as the jokes there. But then I realized it was not a place for the jokes or the fantasies or the science fiction to talk there. I was doing a lot of the harm, because I had the sleep disorder and ADHD, so I was joking there, and finally I found the sentences which were not true at all in my papers. I was only joking there, and they wrote all the things like the truth of my mental health!

That happened in my life, it was hard then to prove, that you are doing well, there is nothing wrong in your mind, when somebody else said something else, even they didn't know what or why I was talking of the fantasies or the dreams, if I was sleeping in the middle of the days. I understood that the people didn't know me enough well, they didn't understand that I was in the mental hospital only because they heard me to talk of my own dreams and the fantasies. I knew they are not the real things, and I was just talking the stories I heard, but which are not the truth. I understood all the time myself, what was going on, but I couldn't stop to talk of them, even I knew they are not true!

What to do in the mental hospital? I had to stop to talk and be quiet in my jokes, and in my very rich imagination, because I didn't know, how the mental hospital was working! I did so much harm and got more weeks before I realized the system how it was working there. I knew I did some fantasies in my imagination, and talked the sentences as ADHD is doing, not so clear and the wrong words and the mistakes, so it was really hard to understand that they made me more sick than I ever was. It was only the fantasies and my imagination which I told there with my jokes!

Now I will talk of ADHD more, to understand I have a very rich imagination, I do the jokes, the fantasies, the sleep disorders, the sleep paralysis to understand, that I will talk the nonsense, the other people will not understand, it is coming from my mind, and there is not the real meaning with the stories. It is only the ADHD with too many words, the parts of the sentences, the sleep disorders and the sleep paralysis, which make me to talk even I am sleeping, and it makes the other people to be in their delusional disorders, oh no!

Then I could get out from the mental hospital, when I learned to be quiet and stopped to talk! I could stay there the end of my life, because of all the ADHD, the jokes and the fantasies, which I made without any bad purposes!

My nightmare will always be the sentences my ex-husband said to me! Don't talk or laugh at home at all. It was and will be only the silence left there then. I was denied to talk or laugh a couple years ago. So I was oppressed by my ex-husband, and that said the doctor in the mental hospital to me. Don't trust him any more.

http://watarts.uwaterloo.ca/~acheyne/S_P2.html

Greenland video - again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzV8mH763Zk

Open in the new window!

The first video was made of this material by my son Onni Venäläinen. The dog sledge was jumping up and down, then I had to be there, so I needed the other hand for this purpose, still tried to take the photos and the videos, in this cold snow land, Greenland. I am not professional, oh no!

Menneisyyden tuulessa - Kokoelma 2015: Elämän sävelet

Menneisyyden tuulessa

Silmiesi katseen,

sen tunnen unessani,

ja tunnen ihosi tuoksun,

olet läsnä päivisin,

ja öisin tunnen,

joka solusi läheisyyden.

Mutta hetket vain menevät,

yhä nopeammin ja nopeammin,

ja muistot jäljelle jäävät,

hyvistä päivistä,

rakkaudesta ja nuoruudesta.

Ja saavuttaa jos nuoruuden,

joskus voisin uudestaan,

toisin en toimia voisi,

ja tuskin tarvitsisikaan.

Olet vain ollut minun,

ja minä olen ollut sinun,

syvälle ihooni,

painuneet kosketuksesi,

tunsin ja kaipuusi painuivat silloin,

kun ilman sitä en ole voinut elää.

Kun tuulessa käyn,

ja auringossa elän,

maa, taivas, ilma ja vesi,

olet elämäni ollut,

ilman sinua, ei olisi minua.

Kokoelma 2015: Elämän sävelet

Elämän sävelet

Kuulaana ja kirkkaana kaikuvat elämän sävelet,

silloin kun niitä haluaa todella kuulla,

ja hiljentyen hennoiksi kaiuksi toisinaan,

tuskin korvin kuultaviksi sanomattomiksi sanoiksi,

hiljaisina kuiskauksina havisevat heinikoissa,

kahisevina tuulen ääninä rantalepikoissa.

Hitaasti ja hartaasti taipuvat myös elämän vedet,

vaikka virtaavat kuohuvina koskina toisinaan,

pidätellen suuremmissa mutkapaikoissa,

kiertäen kivet ja kannot, ja karikot,

elämän virrat ovat laajasti virtaavia,

toisinaan taas heikentyen hitaiksi.

Joskus pohjamudista samentuneina vesinä,

ja siksi ne nostavat kaiken tomun pintaan,

kunnes taas kivikkopuroissa puhdistuvat,

pulppuavat helmeilevinä pisaroina,

loistavat kristallinkirkkaina palloina,

jokainen auringossa kilpaa kimaltaen.

Nousevat kiivaasti pintaan elämän rytmissä,

kiihdyttävät vauhtiaan korkeissa kohdissa,

ja ylitettävän harjujen selkiä kapeina noroina,

laajeten taas suvantovaiheessa pelloille,

joissa etenevät tasaisesti ja hitaasti,

kuten elämä on välillä verkkaista,

ja tapahtumista vapaata tasaista,

samaa harmaata päivästä päivään.

Today -25 Celsius at Saarijärvi, Finland

Muonio has been the coldest place in Finland in this winter, the 7th January 2016, -41,1 Celsius.

- 26,5 Celsius outside, + 20,2 Celsius inside the house Laukaa, Finland

Pakkanen

Kevyttä pakkaslunta,

hienoa harsoa taivaalla,

aurinko kuultaa punaisena,

hehkuva taivaanranta,

valona pimeään päivään.

Kohti kevättä kääntynyt,

taittunut talven selkä,

kohta hanget hohtavat,

aurinko kultaa maisemat,

lumi peittää maat.

Tammikuun pakkaset,

punaavat poskipäät,

kirpaisevat varpaita,

jäätävät järven selät,

jääkukkina ikkunoissa.

Hyinen viima tuntuu,

viluna koko vartalossa,

viileys tunkeutuu iho vasten,

metsä rapsahtelee harvakseen,

pakkanen kiristyy yöllä.